Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
