My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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