I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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