i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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