ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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