his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
When did angry sex become our thing?
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
