Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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