Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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