While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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