hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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