You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
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