trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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