Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
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