On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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