My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
