that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
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He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
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When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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