I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
