I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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