Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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