I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
