Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
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She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize