it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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