we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
