it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
