My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
