yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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