.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
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1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
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also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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