It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
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