can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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