god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Im part way to drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
