someone threw a dead crab at me
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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