So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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