We won't sleep together?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
