oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
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The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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