so that wasnt chicken after all
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
