did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
