Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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