he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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