...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize