just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
