Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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