Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
