I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
