i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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