Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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