Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
