the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
