I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
