how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
