Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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