I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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