I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
