Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
