I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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