you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
