im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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