this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize
