The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
