Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
