apparently the secret to your success is patron
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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