Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
you never un-have a 4some
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
